When you are stressed, you try to feel better. A very common technique is to change your speech to more positive language. It seems useful and solid – what could be wrong with being positive? You are not indulging in the obvious bad ways of dealing with stress: eating, drinking alcohol, chocolate, yelling at your children. You know these are destructive and you don’t need an e-zine article to tell you that these stress responses are not good.
So you decide to be more positive.
But it works?
It is very “modern” to rephrase many misfortunes in language that sounds positive. Problems are challenges or opportunities. He does not admit that a boss treats us badly; you seek the lesson the universe is trying to send you. Every difficult period in your life is an opportunity for growth or transition.
The truth of rephrasing is that our attitude greatly influences the way you interpret your situation. Without a doubt, satisfaction is present in every moment, in every situation. Only your attitude obscures it.
The destructiveness in reframing is in the denial of reality. Sometimes you are really angry, sad, or unhappy. Sometimes you feel angry. Choosing different words for your feelings does not change the core emotions.
In fact, choosing false words to describe your emotions creates even more stress. Falsely reframing shows a lack of acceptance of what is really going on in your life. You are resisting and fighting. He has a discomfort with the dark and a preference for light.
You see, while it’s nice to invite a positive perspective into your life, simply changing your vocabulary doesn’t. It may be one piece of the puzzle, but it is not the whole picture.
Instead, one of the effective ways to deal with stress is to take on the role of a friendly observer. Beware of negativity and stress. Watch when it happens. So, and this next step is the hardest: accept whatever is happening. Let yourself be stressed. Let yourself be carried away by the experience in the same way that a loving parent allows their child to make a mistake.
As you observe the stress and difficult emotions behind it, experience and become aware of all the ins and outs. By doing this, you will automatically realize how silly it is. You will become more positive from your core. Your vocabulary will change to reflect this, only it will no longer be artificial.
Sometimes it is important to “act as if”. You can act like you’re not stressed, and if that works for you, if your body really relaxes, keep going. But when these ways of dealing with stress repeatedly fail, when you’ve rethought, refocused, and rethought every emotion you have, maybe it’s time for a new plan. Perhaps you should accept yourself, stress and all, and through acceptance you will find relaxation.