At one point or another, we’ve all wondered, “Why aren’t the people I care about not interested in me? And do the people I ignore keep contacting me?” It would be statistically unlikely, if not impossible, that every time you like someone you don’t feel the same way and vice versa. So what is really going on here? Is this a sick joke from the Universe?
I would like to introduce you to your new best friend when it comes to solving this dilemma and it is: Positive Partial Reinforcement (PPR). This is a psychological term in which the reward is not awarded each time the desired action is performed.
The effectiveness of PPR is the cornerstone of Vegas. People stay at the slot machines or at the tables because they are only rewarded at random intervals. If they were never rewarded, they would soon give up. If they were always rewarded, they would eventually get bored and move on.
In one experiment, a pigeon that received a random reward for pressing a button for an interval of one minute continued to peck for more than three hours with no reward.
Naturally, he does it with the person who does not interest him: he sees them or talks to them when it suits him. You throw a bone at them every now and then, but don’t go out of your way for them. These are the people who end up freaking out over you. You are witnessing the effects of PPR.
However, the person you are interested in, you make yourself available, talk to them for hours on the phone, return their text messages immediately, etc. These are the people you always seem to have to try so hard to get!
It is the things you are doing, your behavior, that determines the level of interest of the other person. So how can you apply PPR to the person you are crazy about? Follow these simple rules:
AVAILABILITY: You cannot always be available. Being always available decreases its value. It is human nature not to appreciate something that is always there. When you like someone, of course you want to see them as much as possible, so you are available, that’s the kiss of death! Do the opposite. This keeps you from getting satiated and keeps you going, and that’s where you want them.
BEHAVIOR: Think about how you behave when you are not really interested in someone and behave that way with the person you like. When he doesn’t care, he takes the time to return calls, texts, and emails. Sometimes you even ignore texts and emails and don’t reply. You can even get mad at them if they text too much!
ATTITUDE – When you like someone, your attitude is: I have to have this person. When you’re not that interested, you naturally fall behind and have a wait-and-see attitude. You think: We will see what happens; Maybe they will grow in me It is this attitude and previous behavior that makes you more attractive.
One thing people screw up is that they think they have to mistreat the other person. Do not !! While you want to practice limiting your availability, have a wait-and-see attitude, and cast doubt into the mix, you need to treat the person well. People like you because of how they feel when they are with you. So congratulate, appreciate, and praise them, but don’t seem eager to see them.
People find it difficult to do: they think that the other will get angry if they reject them or if they end the date early, while with the person they do not care about, they do not care if they get angry.
PPR is not an easy thing to do because you naturally want to see / talk with the person you like; It feels unnatural to avoid them, not see them, and / or not talk to them every time they want to see or talk to you.
One way to make it easier is to see other people. Don’t tell me you can’t! If you want to improve your chances with the one you really want, then it is absolutely necessary that you do so.
You can stop using PPR once the person you want has declared their love for you. However, you can always bring it back, if you feel like they’re starting to take you for granted!