Some years ago I developed a close friendship with someone and although they had been with members of the opposite sex, now they were attracted to members of the same sex. This was something that became perfectly clear when they discussed this area of their life, after having been friends for a while.
I had thought that this might be the case at the beginning of our friendship, but was not entirely sure. So when they started talking about this area of their life, I asked them if they had felt the need to tell me that they were gay.
An important point
They ended up saying that they hadn’t felt the need to tell me this, and soon after, I came to the conclusion that they had the right perspective. In the end, I couldn’t care less who they were attracted to.
I choose my friends based on how they are as people, rather than who they are attracted to, for example. In reality, who they were attracted to was none of my business and therefore there was no reason for them to tell me.
A key factor
I think the fact that they didn’t tell me this directly and just talked about this area of their life showed how comfortable they were with their own sexuality. If, on the other hand, they hadn’t felt that way about their own sexuality, they may have felt the need to tell me.
So this would have been a way for them to find out if he would accept them or not. And because of how people can be treated if they reveal that they are not attracted to the opposite sex or that they are attracted to both, it would not have been a surprise for them to date someone like that.
A solid foundation
What I believed influenced how comfortable they were with themselves was the support they received early in life. I had the impression that their family accepted them then and now.
The early support they received, and continue to receive, would have made it easier for them to deal with the challenges of adult life. When I think about what this person was like, I would say that he was one of the safest people I have ever met.
The other side
I think all this empathizes is how important it is that someone is accepted during the beginning of their life, regardless of their sexual orientation. When this happens, they will be much more secure and resilient as adults.
When this does not happen, it can be normal for someone to look to others to give them what they did not get as children. The hurt parts of them will want to be accepted unconditionally, but other adults will not be able to offer this.
Final thoughts
If someone is having trouble accepting themselves, it will be vital that they seek the right support and not suffer in silence. This is something that a therapist or healer can provide, for example.