The American poet John Greenleaf Whittier once reflected; “For of all the sad words of the tongue or the pen, the saddest are these: ‘Could have been’. These words are of particular relevance today, as modern life is plagued by fear, insecurity and constant social and commercial change.The ability for humans in developed countries to seek sustenance from others is a contemporary phenomenon fertilized in the 20th century and wildly expanded at the beginning of the 21st.
For most of human history, individuals and small family groups were solely responsible for hunting, gathering, and protecting their people from the elements. Nobody retired. There were no work rules, except that you had to work and produce your own and your family’s livelihood. Holidays were unknown. Laziness would result in being kicked out of the family unit and likely starving.
In fact, in most parts of the world to this day, people still make a living as subsistence herders, farmers, or fishermen. They start working as soon as they can walk and work until they die. Anthropologists have studied these populations and have noted that, in general, they seem to be more satisfied, happier, and satisfied with the simpler pleasures in life than citizens of richer, more developed regions.
What makes modern man, an inhabitant of industrialized countries, so melancholy? The relative abundance of basic necessities and the opportunity to have these items subsidized or provided for free have created rights societies.
This entitlement mentality has meant that many of us, not all for sure but many, have lost the advantage of living life to the fullest, taking risk bravely, falling down occasionally, but always getting up to fight another day. It is easier for these people to blame others and when they see abundance around them, they feel and claim this bounty even though they have not contributed to its creation.
I find this waste of talent, energy, and personal fulfillment abhorrent. As Mr. Whittier so aptly said; “May have been”. That it COULD have been means that it wasn’t. The opportunity has been lost for these souls. Life passes and regrets; remorse and bitterness over the injustice and vagaries of life are almost always blamed on others.
I recently attended the funeral of an old friend. Life had not gone well for this lifelong acquaintance. As is often the case at the funeral and wake, friends and family talked about my deceased friend and told stories about his life, loves, and experiences. Sadly, as I made my way past many of his oldest friends and family, he was remembered with love, but also with deep sadness. The melancholy was evident when many spoke of the deceased’s disappointment in his manual labor and his unfulfilled dreams that had turned him into a sad and semi-bitter old man.
This man had raised a family, worked, lived in a small, neat house, attended church, drove his own car, and had all the modern conveniences of life: air conditioning, telephone, color television, washer, dryer, etc. . In short, he was one of the richest people in the history of the world. But he had, and he regularly expressed deep regrets about the path his life had taken. He was a dissatisfied inventor. At the time of his death, his home workshop was full of models, prototypes and representations of products that he had conceived and that he wanted to commercialize. “Could have been”, if only my old friend had been able to step up and commit to fulfilling his dreams.
In my product development and marketing consulting business we meet all kinds of people looking to commercialize their ideas and inventions. Many of the ideas are poorly conceived or have other problems. However, many offer opportunities and real business appeal. But very few, only a handful, will have the opportunity to see the market for consumer products. Dreamers who choose to find reasons not to commit fully to the pursuit of success are kidding themselves.
I couldn’t imagine facing the end of life and regretting that I had let life pass, that I hadn’t played the game of life as fully as possible. WC Fields’ tombstone read: “I’d rather be here than in Philadelphia.” Too many people should have tombstones that say, “Could have been.”