Imagine having lunch with a friend. Right in the middle of the meal, you lean over and spit into his soup.
You could probably say a lot of things, but you could never say, “Oh, I’m sorry; that It was an accident. “It is a provocative gesture that cannot be explained as anything more than intentional.
I’m not sure what his friend will do or say in response to such a gesture, but it will definitely be something that was far from his mind when they sat down to lunch.
Think about that for a moment. Spitting in your friend’s soup brings about a change in their behavior that you control for the moment. When used with a defiant and defiant son or daughter, a Spit in the soup The gesture can cause a positive change in your behavior.
Spit in the soup addresses three strong characteristics of challenging youth:
one. They honestly believe that everything they do is spontaneous and unique. Fortunately for us, its behavior is predictable.
two. Much of their defiant behavior is indirect and “sneaky.” If “I didn’t know …” or “I forgot” can be removed as excuses, behavior and compliance often improve.
3. They delight in leading their parents to a war of words. Verbal reaction is his specialty.
As you will see below, a Spit in the soup The intervention addresses these three characteristics: it is proactive, makes excuses, and is non-verbal. Best of all, it tackles all three with a dose of well-intentioned humor.
Mom survey (Intervention # 1): Mom smiles at Tommy as she hands him this “survey” and a pencil at breakfast:
Tommy: At 7:00 pm we will go to the Smith house for dinner. The last time we went there, you were 20 minutes late home and we had to help ourselves. It was not a pleasant evening for any of us.
I was wondering … should I worry about you being late again? Please initial one of the following responses:
___ No problem, Mom. I’ll be ready to leave at 7:00 pm.
___ You can count on me to be back late.
A letter from Victor (Intervention # 2): When Sarah comes home from school, Mom hands her a letter. It’s directed at Sarah in a great children’s script. Open the letter to read:
Sarah: Please help me! I’m sitting here in the closet. It’s so dark and lonely here Sarah, I haven’t had any exercise or company in a long, long time. Before you start your homework, would you take me out of the closet and walk me across the study rug? Would you help me, Sarah? Please? –Victor the Void
Although there is no guarantee that any of these Spit in the soup The approaches will always work, they are not coercive. That can save you a lot of pain. Also, if faced with a note, a parent might respond, “He thought it would be better to remind him in a funny way than to get mad at each other.”
It would be difficult to argue with that. ###