How do people facing the often unexpected death of a loved one find the strength to overcome their difficult losses? What is the tipping point in your complaints work where you begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel? There are many factors that converge to bring about the acceptance of death, which is the starting point of healing.
Among the most important is an inner life that develops a new consciousness. He grows stronger in the harsh confrontation with death and persists through the ups and downs of the duel. Often new insights, actually new beliefs, are formed based on your experience. Here are three truths that many have finally accepted, knowingly or unknowingly, that have eased the pain of their journey.
1. Change must be faced and accepted. The key word is acceptance. Everything is subject to universal change; there are no exceptions, there is no going back. For mourners, it means adjusting to the big changes in life when a loved one dies. The difficult part is creating new habits and routines due to the absence of the loved one, knowing that things will never be the same again. Time often seems to stop while the pain lingers. However, being patient and going slow with yourself is essential. Doing a little at a time is good advice. Remember, there is no way you can ignore accepting the change. Resistance, being an involuntary participant, will have a great impact on the mind and body.
This truth doesn’t mean you have to stifle anger, be infuriated by a sense of injustice, or question the why of it all. It is normal and important to do so. But at some point you have to finally move on. The surest way to deepen your suffering is to hold on to it without periodic deviations.
It is also a normal experience that a major change brings fear of the future. The expected and predictable with the loved one present has to be replaced by new goals and responsibilities, a new and different life. Dealing with these changes is an important part of complaint work.
2. Although we have to face constant changes throughout life, we do not always receive the support we expect to adapt to them. It is not uncommon for our support systems to be less than we expected them to be. And relationships with others are often disturbed. That fact is to be expected. You may no longer be invited to certain social gatherings after the death of your loved one. Some friends may not call or visit you as often as they have in the past.
However, communication with others is an important source of strength and reassurance (a great motivating force) that is so desperately needed during grief. Anne Morrow Lindbergh, who suffered from the kidnapping and death of her son, Charles, Jr., said, “I realize that my own recovery was fueled in no small part by the love, understanding and support of those around me. surrounded”.
Cultivating an ongoing support system is a wise undertaking for both the dying and their caregivers. We all desperately need strong interpersonal relationships; they bring strength to move forward, self-esteem and a sense of being loved. You may need to work on establishing new friendships, reestablishing some from the past, or strengthening existing ones.
3. For every thought and emotion we generate, there is a corresponding physical response within the cells of the body. This has been proven time and time again through the anniversary sickness phenomenon, the placebo effect, the power of suggestion, and the fact that most heart attacks occur on Monday mornings (stress and thoughts back to work). Athletes know very well the power of thoughts. When anything but positive expectations creep into thinking about performance, the way they execute a specific skill suffers.
This incontrovertible fact also has a great influence on mourning. How? Because the more we allow negative thinking to dominate our inner lives, the more we pay the physical price of lost energy and immune system malfunction. The emotional toll of grief has extremely powerful effects on health. Depression, refusal to forgive, and the stress of grief, along with the isolation that often accompanies all three, add greatly to the illnesses of various kinds associated with prolonged grief.
On the other hand, hope, love, renewed purpose, and determination can have a very positive effect on every system in the body. Thoughts activate internal repair and self-healing. The mind and what we think not only affects the body, but the opposite is also true. Our physical condition affects brain function. The will to cope well and overcome the dark night is another powerful asset.
In short, adjusting to loss of love ultimately begins and ends with the individual. It’s about taking charge of his inner life and realizing that what he does and thinks are powerful predictors of needless suffering or finding peace of mind. It is clear: thoughts affect biology and therefore stress levels.
There is no magic way out of or avoiding grievance except through the choices we make. We all have an inner counselor, an inner guide, if we call on it. No friend or relative can cope with the task for us. Mourners come to this conclusion after much pain and suffering. They realize that unless they change, the dark night will go on and on. Emerson put it this way: “Nothing can bring you peace except yourself.” This, of course, is easy to say but difficult to do.