Men get turned on, not just by sex, but also by the anticipation of sex. They are aroused by objects associated with sex (eg, women’s underwear) and enjoy representations of sex.
What excites motivate women to want sex?
And what is it about sex and your partner that excites a woman to orgasm?
Certainly some women enjoy fantasies that focus on explicitly adult themes (Nancy Friday’s ‘My Secret Garden’ 1973). But not all women have sexual fantasies.
Some women reach orgasm without using any mental stimulation and this may explain why they see no appeal in ‘adult’ material. Orgasms that arise purely through physical stimulation may be different than those that involve fantasy. But for many of us, sexual pleasure is defined by what happens in the mind rather than the body.
Men’s enjoyment of pornography indicates their use of fantasy to help with arousal during masturbation. During sexual intercourse, a man also appreciates that a receptive lover assists (rather than detracts from) his fantasy of arousing a woman through intercourse.
Men’s sexual desire makes sex the goal and masturbation is only a poor substitute. Female masturbation is quite different in that it allows a woman, when she is alone, to focus on the taboo aspects of sex that she finds exciting enough to reach orgasm.
Sexual arousal is fundamentally a psychological phenomenon. Sexual arousal occurs when the mind tunes in to thoughts of an erotic nature. Men get turned on, not only by sex itself, but also by sexual associations. Women don’t respond this way.
Men think about sex much more than women. By the time they get to having sex, men are already aroused in their minds (they have a boner). How can women become aroused by sex when they are offended by images of sexual activity? No one can explain what erotic stimuli make women aroused enough to orgasm during sex.
The emphasis on physical stimulation is very misleading because it ignores the much more critical issue of how a woman achieves psychological arousal during sex.
When a woman says she’s “turned on,” she means she’s ready to have sex. No woman approaches sex right before orgasm like men do. Otherwise, instead of depending on a lover, she would instinctively know which part of her body to stimulate.
Women’s experiences of sensual pleasure, erotic anticipation, and vaginal lubrication are described as female “sexual arousal.” However, such responses hardly equate to the much more focused nature of male arousal, which inevitably leads to male orgasm.
There is very little about sex that would make it exciting for women. Anything related to sex—hairy skin, earthy odors, and bodily fluids—is UNATTRACTIVE to women. Fantasy allows a woman to bypass these graphic and unattractive aspects of sex and focus on a more psychological view of sex as she is the object of the male sexual drive.