While some men can build healthy relationships with women, there are others who cannot. Of course, there are several reasons why this is so.
For those who cannot, it may be because they lack confidence or are emotionally disconnected. On the other hand, it may be because they are afraid of intimacy and are not comfortable approaching a woman.
Another reason
Alternatively, it may be due to the fact that they are too close to their mothers. As a result of how close you are to this person, you will not be able to form an emotional connection with a woman.
When a man experiences life this way, approaching a woman will most likely feel bad. What should feel normal will then feel abnormal, preventing you from forming a healthy relationship with a woman.
Two parts
Sharing your body and even your mind with a woman will not be a problem; what will be a problem is sharing your heart. The unhealthy emotional attachment you have formed with your mother will be sabotaging your life.
Still, this does not mean that a man like this can break this attachment and move on with his life. Even if he wanted to, it could take many, many years of serious therapy before this happens.
It’s not a surprise
However, as this bond would have been formed during his formative years, a time when he was incredibly vulnerable and powerless, this is to be expected. There would have been nothing you could have done during this phase of your life to protect yourself and end what led to this unhealthy attachment.
To move forward, there will be the beliefs that were formed during this time and that will need to be brought to light and questioned, the emotional pain and trauma that will need to be overcome and, while all this is happening, the man. You will gradually develop limits and form a sense of yourself. Ultimately, the man would not have received what he needed to be able to develop in the right way, so a large amount of rebuilding work will be necessary.
Very confusing
After a man has come to realize that he is too close to his mother, he may wonder why this attachment developed. He might think that his mother was only supposed to give him what he needed to develop, not make him her partner.
What is clear is that his mother most likely failed to see him as an individual. Instead, she probably would have seen him as someone who was there to tend to her own needs.
Changing roles
Therefore, his mother would not have been able to be there for him during this incredibly important time in his life. Your needs would have been considered much more important than your child’s needs.
As a child, the man would have had to disconnect from his own needs and do whatever he could to meet his mother’s needs. This would not have been something he consciously chose to do, it would simply have happened for him to survive.
Deepening
Now this could show that his mother was single at this stage in her life, which is why she expected so much of him. At the same time, this could have been a time when she was in a relationship with her father or another man.
Regardless of whether there was another man at the time or not, there is a possibility that she had trouble entering into intimate relationships. Ergo, unable to form healthy bonds, she ended up using her son to meet some of her unmet needs.
An unconscious process
This is not to say that she was aware of what she was doing, as this probably happened without her realizing what was happening. Still, opening up to another adult would not have been comfortable, which is why he looked toward his son to do some of the things that another adult should have done.
Since her son was completely dependent on her and powerless, she would have been able to maintain control and keep her own fears at bay. She wouldn’t have had to worry about him getting too close or straying, and if he tried to get away, she could have used fear and guilt to keep him close.
Even deeper
The reason she had trouble establishing a healthy relationship with another man may be due to the fact that she had been in a number of dysfunctional relationships. So opening up to a man would have felt like a huge risk.
However, it could go much deeper than this, as her own father (or mother) may have used her in the same way that she used her child. This would have been a time in her life when she experienced emotional incest, causing her to disconnect from herself and form an unhealthy emotional bond with this caregiver in the process.
From one generation to another
As is the case with her son, this early experience would have conditioned her to believe that it was wrong for her to enter into a relationship with another man. Therefore, the only way for her to remain loyal to this caretaker would have been to prevent this from happening.
For whatever reason, you would not have realized this and would not have done your best to ensure that you did not treat your child in the same way. Thanks to this, history will have repeated itself.
Awareness
If the man told all this to his mother, if she is still around, he might deny it. This may illustrate that you simply cannot remember what happened or that you have at least one personality disorder.
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Either way, the priority will be for the man to do what he has to do to emotionally separate himself from his mother and live his own life. The help of a therapist, healer, and / or support group will likely be needed.