Stephen Covey’s first habit is to “be proactive.”
Now when I first heard this, I thought it basically meant “do stuff”. To me, proactive people were people who just did things instead of sitting back and watching, they took the initiative. So for me this was going to be easy, and being the first, I thought it should be.
WRONG!
Proactivity here has to do with choice. It is about taking the initiative to stop – think – choose. The biggest obstacle for most of us is realizing that we have options. Covey separates what is happening around us from how we react to it. I’ll say it again in another way, since it’s extremely central to the chapter and the rest of the book:
Covey separates what happens to us from how we decide to react to it.
At first this sounds like a good concept, but will it work in reality?
Can you believe it? As I’m trying to write this, my son has set up two electronic keyboards to continuously play random tunes, it’s so loud I can barely think! So what is going on? There is a lot of noise and I find it difficult to concentrate. How am I reacting? I could use my power as a parent to tell him to stop it ‘daddy’s working’ or even go and unplug him. On the other hand, I could accept that he wants to do something with me, talk to him about making time that works for both of us, and ask him to let me finish so we can play together first. Perhaps he doesn’t realize the impact of the noise on my concentration. WOW! – Can you believe it? He also found the noise annoying and has just turned it off himself.
Let’s look at this as Covey would. My initial response of “TURN THAT DOWN!” it is completely reactive. It is the second response that Covey would describe as proactive. I took what was going on around me and thought for myself the answer that worked best for me. Initially I felt like I had no choice, he was too strong and I just wanted him to stop, my initial reaction was to stop him using what I had, in this case the authority of being the father. How much better would my second option have been?
Proactivity is about accepting that there is always a choice of how to react to things around you. Ok, I can hear you “But surely some things are so basic that there is simply no other option.” You may not believe me now, but because we can only see through our own eyes, what we perceive as our reality is often not the reality of others.
There is a model called Rational Emotive Therapy (RET). This is often used when people feel powerless in the face of mounting odds. It is especially effective when people feel that they are being oppressed by others for no reason. The model has three steps:
What is the strongest emotion? – Depression, Anger, Fear, or something else? As a side note, it may be helpful to identify that depression tends to be about the past, anger about the present, and fear about the future. This can help guide the appropriate reaction.
What was the trigger for this emotion? Find which incident was at the beginning of the emotion. Often this could be “He said…” or “They decided…”. that is, actions of others. This is identifying the “done to me” aspect that Covey uses to identify reactive responses. Here we are identifying those reactive responses to help us find the proactive ones we can choose from.
What are other reasons or options? This is where we investigate what might have led others to make the decisions they did.
Let’s look at my son’s music example from above. My strongest emotion was anger. I was very much in the present. What was the trigger? – My son creating all the noise. Why? – He wanted me to stop working and playing with him. I now have a good basis for deciding how I am going to respond and be consciously proactive.
Being proactive is therefore choosing how we respond to what is happening around us. We need to take the initiative and not just react to what we see as reality. Better to stop, assess and choose the answer that best serves us.
Covey also talks about the concept of “Circle of Influence” and “Circle of Concern”. These are the second part of “being proactive,” and I’ll discuss them in “Habit 1: Being Proactive (Part b)”.
Health
Steve